Meditation on John 14:18-27
First Presbyterian Church of Smithtown
Reverend Dr. Karen Crawford
In Memory of Palma Courtney
March 22, 1931 – May 31, 2025
Palma DiMilia Courtney was born on the second day of spring in 1931 in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Her parents were Josephine and Angelo, immigrants from southern Italy. These were the days when families were large. Palma was the 8th of nine children—first six boys—John, Joseph, Samuel, and Daniel, and two more who did not survive early childhood—then three girls: Lucy, Palma, and Mildred. The three girls were always close.
Though her parents had been Roman Catholic growing up in the old country, Palma and her siblings would be raised Presbyterian, first at Ainsley Street Presbyterian Church in Williamsburg. Palma graduated from Eastern District High School in 1949, where Mel Brooks had graduated five years before.
After high school, Palma worked for 8 years for MetLife and Chase Manhattan Bank, doing secretarial work and bookkeeping. Then she met Thomas Courtney at a dance. He was Irish Catholic, just 5 months older. He lived in Greenpoint, the northernmost neighborhood of Brooklyn, which borders Williamsburg, where Palma’s family lived. He had served in the Navy during the Korean War era—3 years and 11 months. And he was old fashioned about some things. Without her knowledge, he asked her dad for Palma’s hand in marriage before he asked Palma to marry him. She was mad about that!
They were married on Feb. 16, 1957, in her Presbyterian Church.
Palma remained close to her sisters after her marriage. They all married and moved to Oceanside in the 1950s and started having children. Palma settled into a life of full-time wife and mother. Four daughters were born there—Lynn, Claudia, Deborah, and Suzanne. Palma sewed all their clothes on her black Singer sewing machine. They had family vacations. And they attended First Presbyterian Church of Christian Hook Oceanside.
But their life was turned upside down in 1964 with the tragic death of Lynn, Palma and Tom’s first born. The little girl was walking home from school one day and was struck by a vehicle. She was 6 years old! A first grader. The family was devastated. How could this happen? They didn’t want to stay in Oceanside any longer.
Tom, who worked for New York Telephone Company, requested a transfer. He was moved to the Northport office. And the family moved in 1965 to a 3-bedroom, 1-bath rancher on Howell Drive in Smithtown. Everything came together, detail by detail. Soon, they started attending the white Presbyterian Church with the clock tower. The children would all attend Sunday School and Westminster Class and be confirmed. Eileen, their youngest, born in Smithtown in 1967, attended our Village Presbyterian Pre-School. Palma joined a Women’s Circle.
Palma didn’t go back to work until Eileen was in school, and even then, she kept it quiet and part time so she could be home when her children were home. Eileen discovered years later that her mother had been working at the cafeteria at Dogwood Elementary when she was a student there. She also worked for Abraham & Strauss department store at Smith Haven Mall during the Christmas season.
Her family would remain the highest importance to Palma. There were family vacations every summer—to Maine, Pennsylvania, upstate New York, and Florida. Every weekend, there was a family gathering in Oceanside. There was always a party. They celebrated many birthdays with cake, accordion music, and singing good old songs.
She continued to sew for most of her life, making clothing for her daughters and nieces. She enjoyed making crafts and quilting. Every niece, nephew, and grandchild, and perhaps some of the great grandchildren, have quilts made by Palma.
Her friendships were important to her throughout her life, as well. She stayed close with four or five girlfriends she had known since her school years. They had “girl” weekends in New Jersey. They took weeklong trips by car, plane, and bus, going to New Orleans and cross country to Yellowstone and California. They traveled to the Bahamas, Aruba, and more. She built lasting relationships and made memories to forever treasure.
Eileen shared with me how her mother was strong. Her mother had lived with her and her husband for the last 12 years. She wondered if the tragic loss of her first child, 6-year-old Lynn, made Palma stronger and helped her put into perspective all the other challenges and trials, which were nothing compared to that loss. She remained strong after losing her husband Tom to cancer in 1997. She helped her daughters through many hard things, not just through her encouraging words, but through her gift of wisdom, love, and hope that she was able to help them find solutions to their problems and a way forward when they were discouraged.
The readings today remind us that God is always waiting to be a refuge for us—a place of help and shelter through any storm. God is our home in this world and for all eternity. We have the promise of Christ’s return, our own resurrection with him, and no more suffering or sighing. He will wipe away all our tears.
Christ offers the gift of peace to us, a peace, he tells his first disciples in John, that the world cannot give. This peace comes from knowing and trusting Him, casting our burdens upon him, listening for His voice, following in His footsteps.
And we have power right now through the helper Christ sent long ago, who came on Pentecost—which we celebrate this Sunday in worship. God the Holy Spirit, our Advocate, is with us, living in the heart of every believer, dwelling in our midst when we gather in Christ’s name. We are never alone with any hard thing in this world.
The Spirit will strengthen you with wisdom and courage to do and understand things you never imagined you could do and understand. The Spirit will comfort you and heal your hurts, for this world is full of pain and suffering. You will not escape loss and grief here. The Spirit will help you when you struggle with doubts, and when you struggle to forgive. The Spirit will enable you to labor for peace and reconciliation in your household, extended family, community, and world.
I think of Palma’s daughters and the rest of the large, closeknit family who are grieving a mother, aunt, grandmother, and great grandmother. These are Christ’s words for you and for all of us:
“I will not leave you orphaned. I am coming to you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Do not let them be afraid.”
Amen.
Sharing God's Love and Grace 