In Memory of Gillette Dauphinot Piper

First Presbyterian Church of Smithtown, NY

Pastor Karen Crawford

April 20, 2024

Gillette did not have an ordinary childhood. But how could she? She was born in 1941, a time that lives on in the American memory, the year Japanese forces attacked Pearl Harbor, and our world would be forever changed.

Gillette didn’t have ordinary parents.

 Her mother was Nancy White, daughter of the general manager of Hearst Magazines. Miss White, as she preferred to be called even after her 3 marriages, would rise to become editor-in-chief of Harper’s Bazaar from 1958 to 1971. This was a time when there were only two major women’s fashion magazines in America (Harper’s Bazaar and Vogue). [1]

Gillette’s father was Clarence J. Dauphinot, Jr., the son of a Wall Street investment banker. The 1935 Princeton graduate worked as a runner at Kidder, Peabody & Company on Wall Street during the Depression. In 1946, he moved to Brazil to start, with two associates, Deltec International. The asset manager would become known for helping to develop Latin America’s financial markets after World War II.[2]

By the time Gill was born, Nancy was a single mother and was busy with her own life and career. Gill was sent to boarding school and even a convent, briefly. The woman who raised her was her grandmother, Virginia Gillette White, who lived in Smithtown, with husband, Thomas Justin White, who died in 1948, when Gill was 7. “Gammy” and Gill’s cousins provided the family that she needed. Their home, an old mill that Gammy was renovating, was the place where memories were made, laughter was heard, and Gill’s self-concept was nurtured and shaped. Sadly, in 1958, Gammy died. Gillette, still a teenager, had lost the one who mothered her.

Revealing an inner strength, Gillette went on to Barnard College, spending a year studying at the Sorbonne in Paris. She graduated in 1963 summa cum laude, with a degree in French Literature. She landed a job in New York City as a department store buyer. She was elegant and graceful, high society, a sought-after young lady of New York.

She met her future husband while working in Bermuda; he was on a transatlantic sailboat race. William Scott Piper III, a doctor, would serve in the Army in Japan during the Vietnam War. They had three children: Scott (William Scott Piper IV), born in Japan; Derek (Dauphinot Derek Piper), born in Denver; and Michel (now Michel Bauer), born while they were living in Arizona. When Gill’s husband finished his orthopedic residencies, they moved to Miami, where he worked as an orthopedic surgeon.

A deep struggle with alcoholism would bring Gill to seek professional help. She entered a program and took it seriously; there, she found her path to healing. She left with a desire to help others find healing, too.

She went back to school and completed a Master’s in Social Work from Barry University in 1985. She became a family therapist. The woman who looked forever young and never lost her sense of style discovered that she had gifts for helping young women and teen-aged girls with substance abuse issues.

But more suffering was ahead. Gill would have to deal with a great loss. Derek, her middle son, had graduated from medical school and pursued medical relief work in Central America and Southeast Asia when he was diagnosed with advanced brain cancer. He died in 2006. He was just 36.

Gill’s grief nearly broke her; she never fully recovered from the loss.

Her faith journey that began with Catholicism in her childhood would bring her to study Buddhism and practice meditation. The one who went on numerous ocean sailing trips and safaris in Africa was stirred to travel to Burma (now Myanmar) on pilgrimage.

Although she continued to grieve Derek, she told people that the only thing that got her through losing him was her faith. She had had a vision on a retreat and had spoken with her grandmother. She believed in an afterlife.

The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Romans, assures us that we cannot avoid suffering in our lives, but that suffering is only to be endured for a time. Nothing may be compared to the glory that will be revealed to us—not just in heaven—but as we seek to live as Christ in this world. Our world is groaning in the pains of a kind of rebirth, being transformed, like us, into a new creation. The Spirit empowers us to pray when we have no idea how or what words to say. The Spirit intercedes for us with God so that what God intends may come to fruition. The Spirit also empowers us to live abundant lives with our Risen Savior by faith.

This is how all things work together for good—not that all things ARE good in this world. But that those who love the Lord and seek to live for him and show Christ’s love, through acts of kindness and service, will shine His light into dark places and give hope where hope is so desperately needed.

And what can be better news than the assurance that we are not condemned for what we do or fail to do? We can live with confidence, in freedom, without fear. We have a God who loves the world, wants the best for us and knows what’s best for us—a God who knows us better than we know ourselves!

A God who has a plan for everyone’s life, so that no one’s existence is ever ordinary!

Our loving Lord was willing to become one of us, humbled himself and took on fragile human form, so that he may experience all the sufferings and losses that we will ever experience. Christ modeled a new way to live, reaching out to strangers and foreigners, outcasts and marginalized people, sharing meals with the rich and poor, educated and illiterate, blessing small children, and welcoming all to come to him and cast our heavy burdens upon him.

We are never alone in our struggles.

Gill didn’t let her struggles and pain defeat her. She overcame many hardships. To those who knew her well and admired her tenacity and grit, she said, “What’s my choice? I have to go through it.”

The loss of Derek was followed, four years later, by another loss—the end of her marriage. For Gill, divorce led to a new beginning. She left Miami and moved to a retirement community in Sarasota, where she could be closer to Michel. Her beloved companions were Mozart, her Labrador, and Haydn, the Labradoodle.

She didn’t let chronic neck and back pain and injuries from falls keep her from doing the things that she wanted to do. She stayed active—playing tennis and doing yoga and Pilates at 82. She talked about current events and history. She loved going to the opera, parties, and dancing.

A memory the family will always cherish is Gill dancing with her grandkids at a wedding, though she had had recent hip surgery. The tiny woman who had cardigans and purses in every color, who loved tropical flowers and animals, could be surprising, silly, and funny. Once, she named a stray cat, “Treetop.”

Even in “retirement,” she continued to find her life and sense of self-worth through serving others. She was a philanthropist for women’s rights. She supported an international organization called Women for Women, which invests in women survivors of war and conflict, providing them with social and economic skills to transform their own lives. And she worked to improve her community, volunteering many hours to organize the local lending library.

When I asked her family what they will miss about her, Michel said she would miss her support, elegance, and generosity. “I always knew that she would be there for me and my family,” she said.

Even as we miss our loved ones, dear friends, and long to see them in the world to come, there’s One we can count on to be with us now and strengthen us all of our days.

Let us remember and be inspired by the one thing that helped Gillette carry on after the tragic loss of her son, Derek— her faith!

What can be more wonderful, friends, than the knowledge that nothing we do, nothing we say or fail to say, no choice that we make, no mistake, no things present nor things to come, no suffering, no trial, no struggle, no loss of any kind can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord?

Amen.

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